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fear of success

I realized recently that  I have a fear of success. For years I would get so close to success then it would just fade away. But I realized that it faded away because I stopped working on it. I found something else to get involved in. Something else that took up all my time. If something did not produce results right away, I would call it a failure and find something else to be interested in.

I became a business opportunity junkie. I bought almost every business opportunity that came along. As an addict to business opportunities, it became less about success and more about a Photo by Alexandra Gornnew idea. I became fascinated with new ideas and marvelled how others were making money. While at the same time getting desperate to make some money for myself. But, if I made money that would mean I was successful at applying that idea, a success I was afraid of.

So what was I to do? I had thousands of dollars in ideas and no personal success. The credit cards were maxed out, I had no more resources to throw at it. So I started a systematic process of getting used to success. Starting with little successes at first. the success of getting control of my addiction. Curb the spending and get a handle on things. I just needed to think things through logically, control my emotions and apply the principles.

So I got myself a mentor, someone I could look up to. Someone who had the kind of success I was looking for. I found him, it was a great relief to have someone like that to follow. But I hadn’t found a solution to my addiction and before I knew it, I had spent all the money I had allocated to the mentor and I had to stop. But was that really the reason? Or was it that I was close to finding success under his guidance? Either way, I sabotaged my own path to success and stopped.

So what did I do? I found another mentor, found a way to clear the credit cards and found a new mentor. I believed in him. I had been watching his videos for a while and knew his marketing philosophy, and it aligned with my own. It sounded like he was just beyond where I wanted to be so he would be a good guy to model my own business after. I started following his video course, just like my previous mentor. And, just like my previous mentor when I started to see success, I stopped.

That was it. I was done! I had maxed out the credit cards again and was back to buying every businesses opportunity that came in my email. With getting hundreds of emails a day you can imagine how many opportunities I would see in a day. The irony of it was that I had not done any serious affiliate marketing even though I had requested and gotten accepted into many different affiliate offers. I kept telling myself that because I was on delayed payment and I needed money Now, that they weren’t the answer.

Everyone else was making money as an affiliate but I was sure it would be a big failure and never even tried very hard. Every time I heard the 95% of all affiliate marketers don’t make a dime I thought, yes I am in that 95% group. So I stopped following my new mentor and just floundered around. I was basically back to square one, where I felt at home, where I felt safe.

So I needed to take a good hard look at my life. I had beat terminal cancer. I had proven to myself the power of the human mind. I had proven to myself that nothing was impossible. I survived an un-surviveable situation! I had been told I had six months to live. I prepared for the inevitable and then decided it was not right. I said to myself “not now! not this way!” I used it as my mantra daily. I started a systematic process of visioning the cancer dieing. More and more each day. six months later my oncologist showed my a CT scan with no cancer.

It was gone, I had won! Why couldn’t I use that same grit to change my life I needed to find something that motivated me as much as the fear of death. I just needed to let myself believe I am in the 5% not the 95% and apply myself. That’s where I am today. I have signed up with a third mentor. The credit cards are maxing out again so I have no choice. I believe in all three of them but I just need to start getting some successes in my life. That’s what I’m going to do. Just watch me!


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